What Dating Is Like When You’re HIV-Positive

What Dating Is Like When You’re HIV-Positive

January 21, 2020 37 By Jose Scott


– It’s kind of interesting
in the gay community that we went through so much
profiling in our history and yet we are the first
to profile our peers. (light ambient music)
– My initial reaction when I found out I was HIV positive was that I was never ever
going to have sex again, I was never gonna be in
a relationship again, it just was basically over. And that lasted for quite a while. – I didn’t know what to do, where to turn, I didn’t think I was ever
gonna be worth dating after being HIV positive. – It happened. But I didn’t go through
the stress or the angst that many people experience,
that many of my friends that have become positive
have experienced. I attended my first leather
event and I found out that the leather community is very open and accepting of people that are positive. – I got a lot of really
rude, nasty messages online from people with no profile pictures, no way to identify who they were, just saying that I’m giving
people AIDS on purpose or that I am infecting
people, that I’m going to die, that I deserve it because
I’m sexually free, or sexually liberated, so I
deserve it, that I’m a slut. – On some of these dating
sites they use a phrase when they’re looking for a certain person, they’ll say you must be clean, so I’m being profiled
as being a dirty person because I’m HIV positive, which
is farthest from the truth. So there’s a stigma there for sure. – It actually really sucks, for instance, on Grindr I’ve been blocked
when I’ve been open and honest. They solely look at your diagnosis, categorize you, like
most of us do in America, put you in a box, and then kind of shove you off to the side. – I was able to have some relationships as far as being physical with guys again, but the boyfriend thing never happened. I’ve been single since the 80s. – To me being HIV positive,
I don’t really notice it. It’s just something that is part of me, but I don’t think about
it, I take a pill at night, and besides going to a
doctor every three months to do my blood work,
it’s really a non-issue for me, it doesn’t affect my life. – To those of you who
won’t open up your heart and date someone who is HIV positive, you need to open a book or go
to a website just like I did. – With the advent of better medications for the last eight to 10 years, I’ve been undetectable,
which means that it’s almost impossible for me to pass on the virus. So with my undetectable
status and condoms and prep, that’s just a triple layer of protection. (light ambient music) – People are definitely
missing out if they are closing themselves off from
anybody who is positive, or black, Asian, or feminine. You never know what a
person has inside of them and how he will surprise
you if you actually give him a chance and get to know him. You are truly missing out if
you are not meeting somebody just because of a
checklist on his profile.