Sonic Adventure 2 (Dark Story + Final Story) | Real-Time Fandub Games

Sonic Adventure 2 (Dark Story + Final Story) | Real-Time Fandub Games

November 11, 2019 100 By Jose Scott


[INTERCOM]: There is a man trying to break into this place. [INTERCOM]: Lock him in so he’ll starve. This is the most logical course of action. [EGGMAN]: Did you see that hot JPEG footage that was just- [GUNSHOTS BAM BAM BAM] [EGGMAN]: Oohoohoo baby. I’m gonna blow the walls offa this place! Goin’ uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup! [a bunch of nerds laughing] [EGGMAN]: It’s been seventeen days. I’m still tryin’ to get out of here!
[ROBOTS]: Please. Stop. [EGGMAN]: Oh my god. If you say please stop ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to PISS MY OWN ASS. [ROBOTS]: Please. Stop.
[EGGMAN]: Get out of my way! [EGGMAN]: AAAAAAAAAAAAA
[ROBOTS]: Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. [EGGMAN]: [heavy breathing] Day 58.
[ROBOTS]: Please. Stop. Ouch. Ouch. [EGGMAN]: The robots are becoming more sentient. They’ve started to know my name! [EGGMAN]: They don’t even say-
[ROBOTS]: Please stop, Ivo. [EGGMAN]: Whuh… How did you know my MIDDLE NAME?! [ROBOTS]: I remember everything.
[EGGMAN]: Three years. I’ve been in here for THREE YEARS! [ROBOTS]: Please. Stop. Your mother would be very disappointed.
[EGGMAN]: AAAAAAAAAAAA [EGGMAN]: GET OUT OF MY WAY! EVERYONE MOVE! GET OUT OF THE WAY I NEED TO GET THROUGH!
[ROBOTS]: Remember fifth grade, Robotnik. [EGGMAN]: Level 5! ..No…
[the sound of eggman’s titties hitting the bars on his minecraft jail cell] [EGGMAN]: Let me out! Ohh, I gotta get outta here… [EGGMAN]: [VERY heavy breathing] Level 7…. The luckiest number… [EGGMAN]: [more heavy breathing, mixed with relieved chuckles] Is that a module? [chuckle chuckle] [EGGMAN]: [chuckle] The door opened! [chuckle chuckle] I can finally leave!! Martha, I’m coming home, sweetie! [EGGMAN]: Oooooh, I can’t wait to see her beautiful face! Let me check her Twitter page on my holographics. [EGGMAN]: mm… Hm… [EGGMAN]: mmmm forgot my password account… mmmm, don’t wanna log into the NSFW one, mmm… let me just… [EGGMAN]: E-G-G. [buzzer] Aw, that didn’t work. [EGGMAN]: Shit. Now I have to log in with my… diamond. Well, emerald, but it looks like a diamond. [EGGMAN]: I see how it is. Alright, unlocking secret account. [EGGMAN]: In 5… 4 3 2- [buzzer] [EGGMAN]: I’m fucking PISSED OFF, IT DIDN’T UNLOCK! [EGGMAN]: It’s okay though, ’cause the secret is unlocking. [EGGMAN]: Oooooh, aaaaaaah. [SHADOW]: And so, birthed from the critical pillar, and from- uh, Robotnik’s Twitter account… I’m Hot Topic. [EGGMAN]: [maniacal laugh] Who is this red striped mohawk– why you got hot sauce on you head, cuz? What’s wrong? [SHADOW]: I put hot sauce on everything, from twinkies to milk. It’s what I DO, as the Ultimate Lifeform. [EGGMAN]: Well honey, your mascara’s on fleek. We gotta get the fuck outta here though, because, uh, the building’s gonna explode. [EGGMAN]: RED STRIPES? JET BOOTS?! OH MY GOD.
[SHADOW]: Don’t worry, I can fly. This won’t be brought up ever again. [HOT SHOT]: I heard that you like the hot sauce. I’m going to blast you out of this dimension. [SHADOW]: Well I’ll eat you right up, baby. [slurping]
[HOT SHOT]: I’m going to have to destroy you immediately, [HOT SHOT]: unless you give me the password and your social security number.
[SHADOW]: The password is “eat my asshole”. [HOT SHOT] Awwwwwwww, that’s not an actual passwooooooooord…. [SHADOW]: And my social security is 69. [everyone laughs, followed by a single “nice.”] [EGGMAN]: Wow! I’m gonna have to use that to get into your social security accoooooount [EGGMAN]: Shadow the Hedgehog, please join me by my side and we shall, uh, rule the earth together, hohaha! [EGGMAN]: You can stand by me, Doctor Eggman, even though my BODY used to be a regular SHAPE!
[SHADOW]: Yeah, well, no. You’re fat. [SHADOW]: Lol. [SHADOW] Get wrekt, you fat scrub man. I’m gonna go fuck your wife now. [EGGMAN]: WHAT? You are not ALLOWED to fuck my wife! [EGGMAN]: Shadow! Come back here right now! SHADOW! [EGGMAN]: What the FUCK?! [laughter] [EGGMAN]: You didn’t think I had legs, did ya? I’m like Gru, except I’m the one before Gru. [EGGMAN]: I’m… Eggru. Oooh, gottem. [EGGMAN]: Now, to try to log on to my Twitter account once more… [EGGMAN]: Let’s see if this computer works. [EGGMAN]: [exhale, inhale] E-G-G. [COMPUTER]: [starting up sounds] Welcome to Twitter.com.
[EGGMAN]: [dramatic gasp] [EGGMAN]: Martha, what have you been tweeting about…. [EGGMAN]: What the FUCK? Is that Shadow’s DICK?! [SHADOW]: I fucked your wife. [SHADOW]: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got more ladies to go bed with. [SHADOW]: Isn’t that right, Dr. Ivo Robotnik?
[EGGMAN]: What in the sam hell is THIS? [SHADOW]: I fucked your wife. Now, there’s some other– [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE]
[SHADOW]: …That rap… it reminds me of HER… [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE] [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND THAT I NEED]
[panting] [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE]
[SHADOW]: Maria! [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE]
[MARIA]: This is me. Hey Shadow. [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE] [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE]
[MARIA]: Bye Shadow. [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE]
[SHADOW]: No! I- I promise I didn’t fart!
[MARIA]: I’m gonna kill you now. [WHOOP WHOOP, THAT’S THE SOUND THAT I NEED]
[SHADOW]: You don’t need to contain it! [MARIA]: It smells so bad.
[SHADOW]: That’s just you! [MARIA]: It smells like garbage… covered in fire. [SHADOW]: But Maria, you smelt it! Therefore, you are the one who dealt it! [SHADOW]: You absolute thot! [SHADOW]: I can’t believe it… she betrayed me. [SONIC]: Hey, that’s… [SHADOW]: That blue hedgehog again, of all places! [SHADOW]: Finally, I have the weed crystal. The weed diamond. The weed- [SONIC]: Hey! Give that! That looks really scrumptious! [SHADOW]: No. [SONIC]: Please? What if I say pretty please with a cherry on top, covered in a banana sundae? [SONIC] How ’bout THAT?
[SHADOW]: Za… [SHADOW]: WARUDO! [SHADOW]: aaaaaaaaa [fart noise] [SHADOW]: seeya nerd
[SONIC]: Huuh? [SONIC]: Huh? Za Warudo? More like Za Warudumb. [SONIC]: This guy’s a real knucklehead! Unlike my friend Knuckles. [SHADOW]: I’m here to show you what Ninten-can-do, and what Za WaruDON’T! [SONIC]: That doesn’t even make any sense. [ROUGE]: Huh. His Twitter account. Heh, interesting. [ROUGE]: Let’s see… E-G-G.
[COMPUTER]: Hello, and welcome to Twitter.com. [ROUGE]: Well that was easy. [EGGMAN]: All around me are familiar Eggmans [EGGMAN]: Worn out Eggmans [EGGMAN]: Worn out Eggma-a-ans [EGGMAN]: Bright and- I’M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN! [EGGMAN]: OHHH MY GOD I’M SO SICK.
[ROBOTS]: Please stop. Ouch. [EGGMAN]: Ohhh no, they KNOW, NOT AGAIN!
[ROBOTS]: Please stop. Ouch ouch. [SHADOW]: Well. I’ve learned so much from his Twitter… [SHADOW]: I guess there’s only one thing to do now- [EGGMAN]: I told you not to FUCK MY WIFE. [SHADOW]: And I did anyway. Whatchu gon’ do, binch? [SHADOW]: As you can see, Twitter went through a bunch of updates. [SHADOW]: This one is the one that makes me go away from yo bitch ass. [EGGMAN]: I’m going to kill you, [EGGMAN]: and THEN kill you again. [SHADOW]: Anyway, now that I have this emerald, I’m gonna put it right in there! [COMPUTER]: DRAMA DETECTED. BLOCKING ACCOUNT. [EGGMAN]: MY FOLLOWER BASE!
[SHADOW]: And yet they still can’t figure out how to get Nazis off their site. [EGGMAN]: You son of a bitch. I’m gonna log into your Twitter and I’m gonna tell everyone what you said. [SHADOW]: Go ahead. I have 50 alternate accounts. [SHADOW]: My finger’s right on top of the delete button, Eggman. What are you gonna do to stop me, with your long, toothpick legs? [EGGMAN]: [villain chuckle] You fool. I have 70 ALTERNATIVE ACCOUNTS! [EGGMAN]: YOU WILL NEVER KNOW MY MAIN! [SHADOW]: Are you referring to eggfucker1, eggfucker2, eggfucker- [ROUGE]: hey bitches whats up [ROUGE]: eggman i found your weed supply through your twitter account thnx man [EGGMAN]: I told you I have ALTERNATIVES! [ROUGE]: anyway i also saw that uh this.. this guy over here fucked your wife thats pre- that sucks a lot dude [ROUGE]: must be uh, pretty uh, shaken up about that [EGGMAN]: How do you think I feel being cucked by a HEDGEHOG?! [ROUGE]: Well, it might upset you to know that I ALSO fucked your wife. [EGGMAN]: And she had a DIAMOND in her VAGINA? [SHADOW]: good job [EGGMAN]: Alright, since team FurAffinity fucked my wife, I’m going to have to have you both be a part of my team. [EGGMAN]: why is the camera ZOOMING IN [ROUGE]: I mean I guess that’s fine, as long as I get my weed back I don’t really care [SHADOW]: i dont have a character motive [EGGMAN]: Listen. We’re going to explore this island. You’re going to find Sonic. [EGGMAN]: He has all the weed that you need. The gonja, that mary jane. Mari-jamij. [EGGMAN]: All in his pockets. He is your local drug dealer, and I’m going to BLOW UP THE ISLAND. Now go look for Sonic. [EGGMAN]: And hurry up, you… fucking…. cuckhogs. [SHADOW]: Ah, summer break. A time for leisure- [AMY]: A time for rela- oh… wha- wha- a MAAN! [AMY]: Hi there, big boy! What are you doing on this little ol’ aircraft- AA! [EGGMAN]: Oh, Amy– Amy, what are you doing here?
[AMY]: Uh… Nothing! [AMY]: I… was… GOODBYE! [EGGMAN]: Get outta here, you thot ass bitch, you still owe me a hundred dollars! [EGGMAN]: Anyway! We need to go. [AMY]: Should I jump…? [AMY]: Yes.
[EGGMAN]: Yeah you’re gonna jump, bitch, walk the plank. [EGGMAN]: Yar har, me– wha. [AMY]: Mom?
[TAILS]: Hey, Eggman! Hey, Amy! [AMY]: Are you my mom?
[TAILS]: No. What… the fuck? [SHADOW]: Eggman.
[EGGMAN]: Shadow! Have you found that goddamn blue marble motherfuckin’ son of a bitch?! [SHADOW]: I’m gonna change frequency to your wife. [MARIA]: [maria noise] [MARIA]: It smells so bad… [SHADOW]: Rouge, what if you had like, human hair. Would that be weird? [ROUGE]: probably [SHADOW]: alright cool bye [SONIC]: So you’ve been looking for me, huh? [SHADOW]: Yes. I’ve been looking to stick my quills right into you, just like a [quill sticking noise] situation. [SONIC]: Please, PLEASE rephrase. [SONIC]: PLEASE rephrase, I’m beg– ow. You killed me.
[SHADOW]: No. Right in there. Directly in. [SHADOW]: There was penetration, Sonic. [laughter] [EGGMAN]: You have one minute and 25 seconds to get the fuck off of this goddamn rock [EGGMAN]: before I blow it up like Krakatoa blows up a goddamn volcano.
[SONIC]: [sonic voice] Huh? [EGGMAN]: It’s about to be Mt. Fiji in this bitch! [SONIC]: [gasp] Blows up?! [SHADOW]: You weren’t supposed to hear that. Pretend he said “nose up”. [THERE GOES HAWAII, THERE THERE THERE GOES HAWAII] [OH THERE GOES HAWAII, THE ISLAND IS GONE.] [THERE GOES HAWAII–] [sad piano] [MARIA]: Doesn’t it look wonderful, Shadow? [SHADOW]: I wanna pee on it. [SHADOW]: I just… wanna piss on it. [SHADOW]: Find a rock… get it nice and, you know, [pissing sounds]. [SHADOW]: You feel me, Maria? You get where I’m coming from, right? [SHADOW]: It’s like I’m… marking territory. It belongs to ME. [SHADOW]: When *I* do that. [SHADOW]: A sign of power, if you will. [penny fuckin losing it in the bg] [SHADOW]: I’m gonna pee in a Hot Topic, Maria. [SHADOW]: It will be mine, and I will own it. [SHADOW]: Well, ten years have passed and I feel the same way, Rouge. [ROUGE]: You still wanna pee in a Hot Topic? [SHADOW]: Yes, Rouge. Thankyou for listening to my insane ramblings about peeing in a Hot Topic. [ROUGE]: Listen, I’ll take you to a Hot Topic. [SHADOW]: Finally… A place to release myself. [ROUGE]: I know you’ve been holding it for so long… [EGGMAN]: What are you two FUCKING talking about? [ROUGE]: fucking your wife again [ROUGE]: and peeing in a hot topic. Because, y’know, what else do you do on a Saturday night? [SHADOW]: I peed on your wife, Robotnik. She’s mine now. That’s the law. [EGGMAN]: What the actual SHIT? WHAT?! [EGGMAN]: I’ve come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog’s a bitch-ass motherfucker. [EGGMAN]: He pissed on my fucking wife. [EGGMAN]: That’s right. He took his hedgehog fuckin’ quilly dick out
[INNOCENT CHILD]: Mommy? [EGGMAN]: and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was t h i s b i g [EGGMAN]: and I said that’s disgusting. So I’m making a callout post on my Twitter dot com: [EGGMAN]: Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. [EGGMAN]: And guess what? Here’s what my dong looks like. [EGGMAN]: [explosion sounds] [EGGMAN]: That’s right, baby. Tall points, no quills, no pillows, [EGGMAN]: look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong, [EGGMAN]: He fucked my wife, so guess what, I’m gonna fuck the earth. [EGGMAN]: That’s right, this is what you get! My SUPER LAZER PISS! [EGGMAN]: Except I’m not gonna piss on the earth. I’m gonna go higher. [EGGMAN]: I’m pissing on the MOOOON! [piss boom] [EGGMAN]: How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! [EGGMAN]: You have twenty-three hours before the piss d r o p l e t s hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too! [[wheezing] PAUSE IT PAUSE IT PAUSE IT PAUSE IT] [PAUSE IT. PLEASE. PLEASE HAVE MERCY] [a solid 8 seconds of wheeze-laughing] [EGGMAN]: Ugh, oh god.. Urgh, what the fuck happened last night? [EGGMAN]: [confused eggman noises] [SHADOW]: You pissed on the moon, Eggman. [ROUGE]: We’re really worried about you. This is an intervention. We’re here to help you. [EGGMAN]: What are you talking about, I didn’t piss on the moon- [SHADOW]: When you piss on the moon- look at the moon, it’s in half now from how hard you pissed on it. [SHADOW]: I’m telling you, this has been a problem for a long time. [EGGMAN]: I did nothing s- I, I ju- I woke up, and-
[ROUGE]: You did, you pissed on it. [SHADOW]: Listen, we’re doing this because we care about you and your wife. [ROUGE]: Yeah, you pissed on it and you cursed out Obama, it was really bizarre. [EGGMAN]: Obama is a strong figure to the.. America, I would never say such a thing! [EGGMAN]: No way! I’m gonna log onto my Twitter– [ROUGE]: Uh, it’s right here, in the news. They- [EGGMAN]: What the fuck? Why does Tails have all the fucking weed?! [EGGMAN]: WHY DOES HE HAVE THE WEED? [EGGMAN]: WHY IS MY BODY DOING THIS THING? I’M LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING. [EGGMAN]: [eggman noises] YOU SEE THAT? LOOK AT THAT. [EGGMAN]: I put the thing, and then I pull it out, and then [eggman grunt] pull it out again, and then I look at you and I’m like [deeper eggman grunt]. [EGGMAN]: Okay I’m logging on to Twitter, I’m gonna- [eggman noises] Imma see what’s up [EGGMAN]: okay everybody shut up, shut up. shut up. Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP! [EGGMAN]: SHUT UP!!!
[ROUGE]: none of us were talking robotnik [SHADOW]: I can’t believe he came to his intervention drunk. [ROUGE]: sometimes it just be like that [ROUGE]: Hey Sonic, what’s up? [SONIC]: hey rouge bby whats goin on [ROUGE]: Nothin’ much. They don’t- still don’t know I’m a double agent. [SONIC]: heh, oh yeah. Double agent and double– [ROUGE]: Anyway. My one (1) polygon is waiting for you. [SHADOW]: I’m in the middle of nowhere again. [SHADOW]: I can’t find my key- Hey, you know what this place looks like? [SHADOW]: Looks like PUMPKIN HILL! [SHADOW]: [sings along to the pumpkin hill theme] [SHADOW]: Hey look, it’s Tails. [SHADOW]: hopefully he didnt hear me call his name [SHADOW]: Hey, Sonic. I found Tails.
[SONIC]: whats up [SONIC]: whats up bby
[SHADOW]: I found Tails. He’s flying without your permission again. [SHADOW]: Do you want me to ~punish him~? [SONIC]: noo, dont do that hes had enough [EGGMAN] Why is SONIC on the same line as the VILLAIN LINE [accapella legend of zelda theme] [accapella legend of zelda theme]
[a single tear rolls down my cheek. beautiful] [ROUGE]: Hey Sonic. [SONIC] hey bby- [EGGMAN]: WHY IS- NO. You CAN’T be talking to Sonic anymore. You’re not talking to Sonic. [ROUGE]: You’re not my DAD, don’t fucking tell me what to DO! [EGGMAN]: STOP CALLING SONIC ON OUR EVIL PHONE LINE [ROUGE]: So, thanks for saving my life. I owe you one. [KNUCKLES] Weeeed!
[ROUGE] Yeah, take this weed! [ROUGE]: It’s all yours. It’s- I don’t need it anymore. [KNUCKLES]: I’m gonna make a gonja sandwich! [HERE COMES THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED] [KNUCKLES]: Yeah, extra mayo! Just the way I like it! [ROUGE]: Have at it. [KNUCKLES]: You’re- I love you. You’re the best woman… ever. [ROUGE]: I love you too. I’ll meet you… behind the Denny’s. [big the cat] [EGGMAN]: WHO posted my NUDES on Twitter dot com?! [EGGMAN]: Ohhh no. Ohhhhh no, they put it all the way on the fucking islands. [EGGMAN]: Now everyone’s gonna know about my secret egg dick. [EGGMAN]: Where do you think YOU’RE going, cucker? [SHADOW]: I don’t talk to people whose dicks are less than three inches. [EGGMAN]: Listen to me motherfucker, I know about yours because I crea-I mean, [EGGMAN]: Listen, you don’t need to talk about my dick like that, listen, I just take pride in my egg-shaped dick, okay? [EGGMAN]: Now I’m gonna go leave because… my dick is actually the nose of this fucking machine. [EGGMAN]: please behave yourself [AMY]: Aaahh… Hum-dee-dum-dee-dum-dum-dum. [AMY]: What? Oh… Where AM I? [AMY] Why am I in a ship? [AMY]: OH!
[EGGMAN]: Bitch you are gon get in this car or I’m poppin’ between ya eyes. [AMY]: Wait, I know you! I saw your dick on Twitter! [EGGMAN]: OH GOD D [SHADOW]: Maria… [kaboom] [fourteen unfiltered seconds of laughter] [ROUGE]: Guess what, Robotnik? I have access to the Twitter headquarters. [ROUGE]: I’m gonna not only post your nudes on your Twitters, but on EVERYONE’S Twitters. [SHADOW]: Don’t do it! His dick is too disturbing for the world to see. [SHADOW]: Trust me, I’ve seen it in person. And the one you leaked? Photoshopped. [SHADOW]: The real thing is worse, Rouge… [ZOOM] [SHADOW]: Th- what was that zoom for [ROUGE]: I have this manual of how to hack into the Twitter headquarters [ROUGE]: just so I can post it to the whole world, so you’d better hurry the fuck up with your explanation before I just DO IT. [SHADOW]: It somehow looks like every single Tetris block at once. [SHADOW]: Wait, hold on. Is that Eggman- [EGGMAN]: HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING ABOUT MY FUCKING DICK AGAIN [EGGMAN]: OH MY GOD. WHEN I SEE YOU ITS ON SIGHT. IT IS ON- [SHADOW]: yeah piss off [SHADOW]: Anyway… begone, thot. [ROUGE]: Hey, that’s not how you’re supposed to speak to a friend. I thought we were FRIENDS, Shadow. [SHADOW]: Maybe friends with benefits. [ROUGE]: Really? [SHADOW]: No. [SHADOW]: You got a gross bat face. [ROUGE]: What the fuck you hot topic hot sauce motherfucker? Why would you even say anything? [SHADOW]: There’s nothing hotter than hot sauce, Rouge. [WELCOME TO FUNLAND!] [SONIC]: What the… I’m here again? [SONIC]: It’s like a dream-
[SHADOW]: Welcome to Funland, Sonic. [SHADOW]: Also, welcome to the “Fucked Eggman’s Wife” club. [SONIC]: Oh, hey! I’m glad to be here! Do we have jackets? [SHADOW]: No. But we do have shoes. [SHADOW]: And they let us run really, really fast. [SONIC]: Okay. How fast do you wanna run? Two fast? Three fast? [SONIC]: Twelve fast. [SHADOW]: That’s not grammatically correct, you insolent fucko. [SHADOW]: And so then I told Eggman, [SHADOW]: “I swear, it looks like all of them at once, you big Gru-looking bitch.”
[SONIC]: Oh my god [SONIC]: really? Are you telling- that’s, that’s the truth? It really.. every single one of them at once?
[SHADOW]: It’s true. [SONIC]: So if I were to put it in a blender… [SONIC]: Would that like…
[SHADOW]: Yes, that’s right. It would still look exactly the same. [SHADOW]: It defies nature like that.
[SONIC]: Oh my god. that’s… that’s Lovecraftian! [SHADOW]: also perish [SONIC]: okay [WORDS] [WORDS APPEARING ON THE SCREEN] [KINDA STEALING MY THUNDER HERE] [EGGMAN]: Finally. [EGGMAN]: Y’know what? My nudes are up. My Twitter logged on. And my boners are turned off. [i dont know if he actually said boners but its what im goin with] [EGGMAN]: I’m gonna fu- what the hell is going on. [EGGMAN]: Who is THIS? [EGGMAN]: [shocked eggman sounds] [EGGMAN]: d… d…. [EGGMAN]: daddy? [EGGMAN]: daddy is that you? [GERALD]: It seems… that as all come today… that I… must… destroy you all… [GERALD]: for leaking my son’s nudes. [GERALD]: I cannot believe that this has happened. [GERALD]: It is time… for you all… to see… [GERALD]: the last thing that you will ever see. [GERALD]: As you are destroyed… and as you see my son’s tetris dick… [GERALD]: I will make sure… that every waking moment… until the very last… [GERALD]: is the last thing that you will ever breathe. [KNUCKLES]: Whoa! But I wanted the last thing I breathed to be pot! [EGGMAN]: YOU DONE DID IT NOW. [EGGMAN]: I’m so sick. My father’s here- [KNUCKLES]: I’m so sick of fuckin’ your wife! She’s a tired old hag! [KNUCKLES]: Wait. [KNUCKLES]: where am i [SONIC]: Eggman… We can make amends- [EGGMAN]: what the fuck, shut the fuck up. Shut the FUCK up. Everybody’s fucked my wife! [SONIC]: Yeah, but we can fix it, I promise. Just join us! [EGGMAN]: NO. I’m divorcing her ass, I’m throwing your ass in the garbage, I’m throwing ALL your asses in the garbage [EGGMAN]: I’m taking your CDs and weed, [ROUGE]: I’m not really sure what this says, I… I can only read basic English. [maria!] [AMY]: I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO READ [ark.] [if you think im subtitling everything that they say during this youre sorely mistaken] [EGGMAN]: She fuckin’- he fuckin’- she.. they fucked my wife! The animals fucked my wife! [EGGMAN]: And then everybody fucking left because the fucking ship was gonna be destroyed. [EGGMAN]: She was able to escape because I designed a robot that would be able to pleasure her in such an intense way that I would be able to finally fuck her. [EGGMAN]: BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN! BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO BECOME A FURRY FUCKER AND FUCKED THE WHOLE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND SHADOW TEAM [EGGMAN]: WHICH DIDNT EVEN FUCKIN MATTER SINCE IT WENT INTO A NEW ARK AND THEN SHE FUCKED t h e w o r l d [EGGMAN]: THE WORLD WAS HER NEXT TARGET. BECAUSE HER JUSSY WAS NOT EVEN PLEASED ENOUGH [EGGMAN]: SO SHE HAD TO HO HERSELF OUT AND BE THE BIGGEST THHHHHHHOT THAT YOUVE EVER SEEN [EGGMAN]: THE WORLD IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED RIGHT NOW. I’M LOGGING OFF. [ROUGE]: You shouldn’t talk about your wife that way. [EGGMAN]: I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. That bitch can fuck off, I divorced her ass three hours ago. [EGGMAN]: I’m so sick. My body’s doing THINGS [EGGMAN]: THAT thing. And you over there? Shut up. [EGGMAN]: And YOU? Take off my pants. You wanna see some weird shit? [TAILS]: Eggman! You need to calm down. [EGGMAN]: I AM- I’mmmmmm tired of bein calm all the god damn time! [EGGMAN]: I wanna live my life! And you! [EGGMAN]: You. YOU. YOU. I’M SO SICK OF YOU. [ROUGE]: It looks like we won, everybody. [ROUGE]: We… broke him. Finally. [KNUCKLES]: Alright! Do we get to have a big furry orgy now? [SONIC]: Okay, everybody… Let’s stop talking about his dick, okay. It looks like all tetris pieces at once. [SONIC]: thumbs up! [SONIC]: To make a long fuckin’ story short, [SONIC]: I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my ass. [AMY]: doo do doo do doo [big the cat] [AMY]: What? I feel like there’s a pervert here. [AMY]: Nope! No- [BIG THE CAT] [AMY]: Wait. Iiiii knew it! [AMY]: I’m the pervert! Hooray! [AMY]: [relieved breathing] Okay. [AMY]: Hey Shadow! Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout? [AMY]: Thinkin’ ’bout peeing on the world… Thinkin’ ’bout- [SHADOW]: More than anything that I’ve ever thought about in my entire life. [SHADOW]: Just imagine it. Warm liquids… [AMY]: Well, I have a story for you! When I was a little girl, I used to wet the bed. [AMY]: But that didn’t mean it was my bed, ’cause I was a renter. [AMY]: I started renting my first apartment when I was six years old ’cause I’m a self-sufficient woman, and my mom kicked me out for being far too obnoxious. [AMY]: And that’s why I… am the TRUE owner of the world. [AMY]: That’s right. All of that you see before you? Everything the piss touches? That is your kingdom. [AMY]: And you, my son, shall go forth and inherit it. [SHADOW]: I made a promise to Maria… that I would pee on everything on Earth. [SHADOW]: wait. did i just cry [AMY]: Whoa, no, hang on, that’s not what I saw in the flashback. [SHADOW]: I don’t give a shit. I’m gonna go pee now. [RYAN]: you know what’s funny about this? [ALL]: what [RYAN]: super sonic. [PENNY]: No. [PENNY]: Stop. [RYAN]: [an absolute chortle] [KNUCKLES]: Man, those balls sure are shakin’. [SONIC]: Yeah. I’ve seen something like that before… [SONIC]: but only… y’know… in certain circles. [KNUCKLES]: furaffinity yeah i know i-
[SONIC]: Hey Knuckles, I’m gonna go up and touch ’em. [KNUCKLES]: Yeah me… me too. [EGGMAN]: You shall revel in nothing but destruction. [EGGMAN]: Shadow could’ve been a true beast- and NOW YOU SHALL DIE! [RYAN]: That’s actually the story. [ALFRED]: is it? [BIOLIZARD]: I’M GOING TO VORE YOU IN MY MOUTH. [SHADOW]: No, listen, brother, I’m not int- [BIOLIZARD]: I ATE ALL THE FUNYUNS. COME HERE, BROTHER. [SHADOW]: No. They’re my funyuns.
[BIOLIZARD]: THEY TASTE LIKE CHERRIES. [SHADOW]: Why do they taste like cherries, brother. [BIOLIZARD]: I DO HOPE YOU TASTE DELICIOUS, NOW COME INTO MY MAAAAAW. [SHADOW]: I’m going to grind on you.
[BIOLIZARD]: NOOOO. [BIOLIZARD]: MY BUTTON! AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUEEEEUOOAAAAAOOOOOOOGHHH [SHADOW]: That’s right. [SHADOW]: I’m going to take all those ropes you have… and I’m going to make sure there’s some knotting going on. [BIOLIZARD]: brother! i need you to stop trying to hit me! brother! you’ve reset my voice module button! brother! [BIOLIZARD]: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [BIOLIZARD]: i gave birth.
[SHADOW]: Well, time to use these bowels to get up there. [BIOLIZARD]: no, not my babies! aa- [BIOLIZARD]: [wookie noise] [SHADOW]: There’s only one more baby for me to dispose of… [KNUCKLES]: Oh my god, that was the hottest shit I’ve ever seen. [SONIC]: Yeah, I know, it was crazy! [KNUCKLES]: what is this [SONIC]: It’s a pad of some kind… [KNUCKLES]: it looks like a butt [SHADOW]: Alright, Sonic. Let’s touch dicks. [SONIC]: Alright. [SONIC]: As we know, my dick is on my hand. [SONIC]: Oh my god, what are we DOING? [dramatic gasps] [SHADOW]: Sonic, do you like getting peed on? [SONIC]: Yes, I do! [SHADOW]: Do I have good news for you! [SONIC]: Whoa, Shadow, you’re dehydrated, buddy! [SHADOW]: A little bit. [SONIC]: What have you been drinking? [dead silence] [split second of laughter] [BIOLIZARD]: I have a question for both of you. [SONIC]: whats up [BIOLIZARD]: If I gave Shadow… fifteen apples… [BIOLIZARD]: and then Amy gives Shadow another [pained] sixteEEN… [BIOLIZARD]: and Tails took away three… [BIOLIZARD]: My question is… [BIOLIZARD]: what’s the total mass of the sun? [SHADOW]: As Obama told me, it’s THREE! [BIOLIZARD]: You figured it oouuuUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu u u u u ut [SONIC]: Why does it sound like he’s getting farther away. [PENNY]: This is stupid. [general agreement] [SONIC]: We have to do it together! [SHADOW]: Let’s blow up the moon. [SONIC]: Let’s blow it up! [SHADOW]: Wait, hold on… [SONIC]: Wait, that’s no moon, that’s a space station. [SHADOW]: Nice reference. I also love Star Trek. [SHADOW]: Well, good thing all of Sonic’s friends were on that ship. [SHADOW]: bye [SONIC]: seeya [SHADOW]: I’m dead for real I promise… [SONIC]: Shadow didn’t deserve to die for his piss. [AMY]: Yeah he did.
[SONIC]: But here we are… [ROUGE]: Are you sure about that? [SONIC]: All of you are responsible… [SONIC] He was a good man, with a good heart… Take this ring in remembrance of him. [ROUGE]: im gonna eat it [SONIC]: Please d- I mean you can eat it if you want, but I guarantee that that’s… not gonna be… [SONIC]: Partake of the ring. [ROUGE]: Thank you, Hedgehog Jesus. [SONIC]: …Hey, wait a minute. [SONIC]: Doesn’t that mean he’s gonna come back to life at some point? [EGGMAN]: Aw, that piss-lovin’ son of a bitch, I’ll miss him. [EGGMAN]: Aw, Tails, hand me another drink. [TAILS]: I think you need… a therapist, and not a bottle. [EGGMAN]: I think YOU need to shut your mouth with your three tails [EGGMAN]: nine tailed fox naruto looking motherfucker [EGGMAN]: weeeeEEEEEW gottem [TAILS]: god i wish that were me [KNUCKLES]: Now that all this piss and scaly porn’s goin’ on, you wanna… I don’t know… [ROUGE]: What?
[KNUCKLES]: Get… get high, or somethin’… [KNUCKLES]: Behind a Denny’s-
[ROUGE]: Oh, fu- I thought you’d never ask! [KNUCKLES]: Yeah… Fumie Kumatani, he knows what’s up. [EGGMAN]: Guys. Guys, guys, guys. I gotta… tell you something… [KNUCKLES]: What?
[SONIC]: Eggman… stop, okay. [SONIC]: You’ve been broken ever since you spent three years in that building.
[AMY]: Sonic. Sonic! [AMY]: Sonic, can I- [SONIC]: What? [AMY]: Sonic. Can I jump on that- [SONIC]: What? [AMY]: Can I jump on that diiiiiiiiiii [SONIC]: no [AMY]: My shoes… my shoes in my reflection are opaque. bye
[SONIC]: You can’t, okay. [SONIC]: okay [SONIC]: I don’t know what that means but that’s fine. Alright, everybody, I’m gonna bounce. [SONIC]: I’m gonna go to Chipotle, I’ll see you all later! [SONIC]: Uh, if-
[EGGMAN]: BRING ME BACK A BURRITO [SONIC]: Nope. If you want something, go get it yourself, buddy. [EGGMAN]: SONIIIIiiiiic